In the late 60s and early 70s, Friday night was the night! First, the Brady Bunch, then the Patriridge Family. Then bed. But older teenagers and grown-ups watched Room 222 and Love American Style afterwards, because apparently they were inappropriate for youngsters like me. Today, we’re going to focus on one of the best 70s sitcoms ever, The Brady Bunch!

Here’s the story…of the Brady Bunch.

I loved this show. Watching it weekly on a Friday night, surrounded by my parents and my many brothers and sisters, this was a special event. The Brady Bunch and Partridge Family, which we’ll get to at another time, were the first shows I really remember getting into. Like, not to be missed getting into. The Brady Bunch ran from 1969, when I was five years old, until 1974, when I was nine. And it was awesome. It was wholesome, funny, and, as a middle child in a family of six kids, relatable.

The Brady Bunch was never a ratings smash, though enough people watched to keep it going for several seasons, and it would never achieve critical acclaim. It was what it was, cheesy, family-friendly entertainment. It had enough interest that when the series ended, there were spinoff TV movies, spinoff movies in the theater, spinoff TV series, and even a spinoff variety show.

Where it All Began: The Honeymoon Episode of The Brady Bunch

We open with the story of a lovely lady, who was bringing up three very lovely girls, and also the story of a man named Brady, who was busy with three boys of his own. What a conincidence that they find each other!

After the famous opening credits, we begin with the boys’ father, Mike Brady (Robert Reed), packing up the car while his housekeeper, Alice (Anne B. Davis), feeds his three boys, Greg (Barry Williams), Peter (Christopher Knight), and Bobby (Mike Lookinland) breakfast. Coming into the kitchen, a nervous Mike informs his boys of the importance of a good breakfast, and it’s pointed out that they are almost finished with their breakfast, but he hasn’t eaten anything at all. Mike thinks he’s good with just coffee. Alice doesn’t blame him for being nervous. Mike insists he’s not nervous while spooning copious amounts of sugar into his coffee.

The boys extol the virtues of Mrs. Martin (Florence Henderson), the soon-to-be Mrs. Brady, while Alice hopes she isn’t as nervous as Mr. Brady. Mike assures Alice that she’s cool, calm, and collected, which in the 60s – 70s sitcom world means, “yeah, she’s nervous too.”

Cut to Carol Brady and her three adorable daughters, Marcia (Maureen McCormick), Jan (Eve Plumb), and Cindy (Susan Olsen). Carol is so nervous she can’t even brush Marcia’s hair. Mike calls Carol (Is that even allowed on the wedding day?) and tells her that he’s nervous. Carol sends the girls out of the room to talk privately. When Mike reveals the extent of his nervousness, Carol literally recommends drugs. “Why don’t you take a tranquilizer?” she asks. Which is not something my five-year-old self would have thought about, but my woman of a certain age self is like, “Whoa. Did she really suggest he Xani?” Mike declines the hookup so he can be calm and collected for the ceremony. He may regret that decision.

Mike helps his youngest, Bobby, with his suit and notices Bobby has put his mother’s picture away. Mike asks why, and Bobby worries that his new mom might not like it. Mike informs Bobby that he can just put that picture back because Carol does not want him to forget his mother. Bobby thinks that’s just swell. Good parenting all around.

What Could Possibly Go Wrong?

The boys are ready to go, and have their scruffy dog, Tiger, also ready to go. Mike is not feeling it. The boys mention that the dog can’t go, but Alice can. And if I was Alice, I’d start questioning what I mean to those boys. Mike informs the boys that Alice is family. The boys think Tiger is, too, and sure enough, Tiger goes to the wedding. I put the ensuing events on Mike for not saying “no.”

The Brady men and Tiger show up at Carol Martin’s house. She opens the door and greets Mike and the boys, but isn’t feeling Tiger’s presence because he’ll frighten Fluffy the cat to death. Mike forgot about the cat and told the boys to put Tiger in the car. Apparently, he is supposed to stay there all day while this wedding is going on. I’m thinking Mike hasn’t seen the PSAs about dogs in cars on sunny days. Carol offers to lock Fluffy in a bedroom, which is reasonable, but Mike insists on keeping Tiger in the car. The dog lover in me would like to have a word. At least Mike tells the boys to open the window a bit.

Also, not to spoil what’s about to happen, but Carol should have locked Fluffy in a room.

In the Martin backyard, big enough to host a wedding, Carol’s dad jokes that Mike decided to show up after all. Is there something we should know here? Carol asks Cindy to take her new brother Bobby to meet his sisters, and Cindy invites Bobby to see her new dollhouse. Bobby does not want to see a dollhouse, but Mike insists.

Moving into the reception area, Mike talks about all the things that look beautiful without mentioning his soon-to-be wife. He’s even praising the silverware. In an, I guess, British accent, Mike tells Carol she’s prettier than flowers, sweeter than the cake, and more appetizing than the hors d’oeuvres and more sparkling than the silver. And it’s just as cheesy as it sounds. Carol says that Mike needs to be serious, and he insists that he is.

A Very Brady Wedding

The minister, who also happens to play a minister on Little House on the Prairie, pronounces the couple man and wife, and they kiss to seal the deal. Fluffy, who has an impressive dog house in the back yard, meows her approval. Tiger, in the car, hears this and rolls down the window… no, really. He literally rolls down the window and jumps out of the car to join the action.

Tiger runs into the back yard and squeezes himself into Fluffy’s dog house with her inside. Now all the girls are upset. Appropriately using his outdoor voice, Mike tells the boys to put that dog back in the car. Fluffy runs out of the dog house (Tiger is still inside), and Carol laments that “you’re ruining the wedding,” but we don’t know which “you” she’s referring to. Maybe she’s reminding herself that she should have kept Fluffy in the house.

Fluffy runs across the laps of the seated wedding guests, and tiger, a bit bigger, follows suit.

Mike yells at the boys to get the dog. Carol yells at the girls to stop screaming. Meanwhile, all the wedding guests are screaming, and no one yells at them. Carol puts it on Alice and asks her to control the dog. Alice whistles, which doesn’t do a thing, and then just starts yelling Tiger’s name over and over. Chaos ensues.

Fluffy runs. Tiger chases her. Bobby is in hot pursuit, followed by Alice, and the Reverend hasn’t even closed his Bible yet. Carol apologizes to him for the chaos, and he tells her everything is going to be all right with a face that says “none of this is going to be all right. “

Fluffy jumps over a woman who, inexplicably, has remained seated while all hell is breaking loose around her, and Tiger follows suit. The woman fans herself with a hanky while her husband stupidly asks a waiter for ice, and that waiter stupidly pours a bucket full of ice over the woman. Not a single wedding guest can catch the cat or dog, who are basically running the joint now.

Uh uh. Before you can say “predictable outcome,” Fluffy runs across the food and drink tables with Tiger in hot pursuit. The girls chase the cat, and the dog runs under the table. You know what’s coming. I know what’s coming, and here it is. The wedding cake table collapses, and the cake begins sliding to the bottom. Thinking quickly, Mike rushes over and catches the cake in the nick of time. Carol, who I am starting to think isn’t very bright, kneels by a teetering Mike and thanks him for saving the cake with a hug that causes him to topple over. A face of cake and some cakey kisses ensue. All the guests laugh at this turn of events.

“Just what we wanted,” Mike said. “A nice, quiet wedding.”

A Very Brady Honeymoon

After the commercial, we see Mike and Carol enter a lovely inn or hotel, with a staff member carrying their bags. They must be on their honeymoon. As they sign in, the lecherous desk clerk remarks, while removing his glasses and smiling the most creepy smile possible, that they are in the honeymoon suite. Mike signs in, and the desk clerk notes that he signed in as “Mr. Brady and Family.” Mike laughs and says he forgot that the kids aren’t with them.

How do you forget that six kids aren’t with you on your honeymoon? And, really, why would you want six kids with you on your honeymoon? This may literally be the last time that you, as a couple, have the joint to yourself. I’m begging you, Mike and Carol, parent to parent, don’t mess with that.

The Bradys are escorted to their suite. In the suite, Mike and Carol share champagne, compliments of the hotel. They toast to a great, big, bubbly life together. Carol says that champagne has a terrible effect on her because it makes her dizzy. Mike says champagne has a terrible effect on him, too, and kisses Carol. Yeah, we know what effect it has on you, you horndog.

Back at their grandparents’ house, the girls are in bed, and Cindy is crying to her doll about how Tiger could have hurt Fluffy and how even though no one could catch them, their mother yelled at them anyway, and she didn’t yell at the boys even if their dog chased Fluffy. Marcia and Jan have sad looks in commemoration.

At the Brady house, Greg tells Alice that his Dad yelled at the boys but not the girls, and that’s going to be what happens from now on.

At the hotel, eating dinner in their pajamas, Carol and Mike do not look like a happy, blissful couple. Instead, they are repeating all their yelling at their kids in their heads. They put their coats over their pajamas and run off to get their kids. And Fluffy. And Tiger. And Alice. And they bring them all to the hotel. That is going to be one packed honeymoon suite. If I were Alice, I wouldn’t be thrilled, because where’s she going to sleep? On the couch? If I were Alice, I would have stayed home in the quiet house with the dog.

The Bradys return to the hotel with all their kids and tell the desk clerk that the only thing better than a honeymoon for two is a honeymoon for eight. No, it’s not. You can’t spin that. Cindy shows her doll and says it’s a honeymoon for nine. And Marcia and Jan show Fluffy in a crate and say that it’s a honeymoon for ten, and here come Alice and Tiger…and, seriously, I don’t know anyone who would be happy in this situation. But they all think it’s awesome. The kids fight over who gets to go up the stairs first, and the desk clerk puts his head in his hands. Mike has them all get into size order and marches them up the stairs.