I hesitated before recapping “The Boy Who Drank Too Much,“ wondering if it was too soon after recapping another Scott Baio classic, “Stoned.” But since one was a made-for-TV movie and the other was an ABC After School Special, I decided it’s not the same thing.
Made-for-TV movies in the ’70s and ’80s were (usually) low-budget productions made for television rather than the box office. They featured stars from some of our favorite television shows. In this case, Scott Baio, who was achieving teen idol fame on “Happy Days” and the short-lived “Joanie Loves Chachi,” Michele Tobin from “The Fitzpatricks,” and Lance Kerwin of “James at 16” fame. This made-for-TV movie was adapted from Shep Greene’s book “The Boy Who Drank Too Much.”
Many made-for-TV movies that were written to appeal to teens followed the Very Special Episode and Afterschool Special format, where lessons were taught regarding important social issues such as runaways, drugs and alcohol, and teen pregnancy. Unlike the aforementioned “Stoned,” I am watching “The Boy Who Drank Too Much“ tonight for the first time. We shall enjoy it (or not) together.
The Boy Who Drank Too Much
We open in a hockey rink. A very ominous hockey rink with cheesy ’70s music. Apparently, we are not far enough into the ’80s to be rid of that ’70s soundtrack music. The camera circles the rink as credits play. A skating Lance Kerwin, who plays Billy Carpenter, comes into view and shoots and scores. Mind you, he’s the only one playing, so he’s scoring for an audience of one. Billy skates around for a bit before falling.
Enter Scott Baio as Buff Saunders. No, seriously. His name is Buff, which I suppose is supposed to be a cool jock name. Billy tells Buff that Collins and Murph were just there, and they did some passing together. He wanted to practice passing with Scott Baio, who said no because he wants to practice, I think he said, “facing.” I don’t know hockey, so I’m just going to kind of wing it with the lingo. I feel like Billy might not be one of the top players on the team.
Billy fantasizes about being a great hockey player and yells to Buff as they skate around how the guys were saying how great it is for the coach to leave the rink open like he does. Buff says if the coach doesn’t watch out, he’ll turn into another Rokne. Billy doesn’t know who that is, and Buff begins reciting stats about Knute Rockne. Billy skates off, disappointed that Buff isn’t paying enough attention to him or practicing with him.
After Billy leaves, Buff skates over to his bag and pulls out a bottle of something clear that I’m just going to go ahead and assume is vodka. It could totally be gin, too. It’s a non-descript, clear liquid that is obviously alcoholic. We leave Buff to his booze and move on to the next scene.
A Tale of Two Breakfasts
At home, Billy and his family are having breakfast, which apparently involves talking to scrapple. Ah, scrapple. We must be in Pennsylvania. Also, there’s some mention of the coach drinking five raw eggs every morning. Billy tells his folks he wants to put some extra time in at the rink; he might be a little late coming home. As he leaves for school, his Dad tells him he admires the hard work he’s putting in playing hockey. However, his dad would also like to see a better grade in chemistry.
At Buff’s house, scrapple is not on the menu. He grabs a slice of pizza from a box that was left out overnight, takes a bite, and then spits it out. As he walks out the door, a man, presumably his father, calls out to him, but Buff slams the door and leaves his apartment. He obviously doesn’t come from the same type of clean and nurturing environment as Billy. The lobby of his dingy building is filled with people hanging out, and Buff walks past them to grab something from the vending machine to eat on the go.
In Spanish class, Billy recites “The most famous art museum in Spain is Del Prado,” but in Spanish. Buff falls asleep at his desk. We learn that Buff’s name is really Kenneth as the teacher tries to get him to wake up to answer a question about Barcelona. We also learn that Buff has been in five different schools in the past six years. His teacher wants to know if, during that time, any of Buff’s past teachers ever made a small request that he stay awake in class. The class laughed. Buff said he closes his eyes to think. Then he starts reciting a lot of useless facts that have nothing to do with Spanish. Billy encourages Buff, who is embarrassing himself, to sit down.
Teammates
After class, Billy and another kid walk through the hall. Billy’s friend wants to know why he sticks up for Buff, who he says is a loner, and no one really knows him. He also says Buff is dumb. Billy says that Buff is not dumb. The Friend said he told his dad about the stupid fight Buff got in at the Fulton game, and his judgy Dad said, “What do you expect from someone whose dad works in a saloon?” Billy wants to know who The Friend’s dad is. The President of the United States? Billy reminds his friend that Buff is their teammate and that they’re supposed to work together on and off the ice, like the coach said.
The Friend reminds Billy that even though Buff scored eight goals so far this season, the coach won’t move him up the line because he’s a troublemaker and a creep. Billy agrees that Buff is a creep. A real gross creep. Nice. So much for all that teammates crap.
Better Than Scrapple Stew
In the cafeteria, Billy, his friend, and I think the friend’s girlfriend are eating stew, which The Girlfriend thinks is awful, but Billy thinks is better than scrapple. A coat-wearing teacher comes over and says something to the girlfriend that I didn’t catch because I’m watching this on an old, somewhat grainy YouTube video. After she leaves, Billy’s friend, whose name I still don’t know, says the teacher is off again and no one knows where she goes every day. They speculate for a bit. Given the nature of this movie, I’m going to guess “AA meeting.“ Let’s see if I’m right.
Buff enters the room carrying his own tray of better-than-scrapple stew and sits at the table behind the three friends. They say hello, and The Girlfriend tells Buff there’s an empty seat with them. Buff says no thanks, he doesn’t like to talk while he’s eating. The Girlfriend approves of this and says her dad would give him a gold star. Then she brings up Spanish class, Buff not getting a gold star, and his two goals in the last hockey game, which made her scream her lungs out. The Boyfriend isn’t very impressed with all the compliments.
The Girlfriend mentioned that she didn’t see Buff at a party over the weekend, and he said he doesn’t like big parties. So she asked about a small party at her place, which is a big surprise for her boyfriend. She offers to fix Buff up with a blind date and gives him the address.
Half Anesthetized
We’re back in the arena where a game is in progress. Buff and Billy watch from the bench while cheerleaders cheer. I didn’t know hockey had cheerleaders, but there you have it. We watch the cheerleaders and hockey players for a while until Buff is put into the game. Buff skates around a bit and then runs straight into another player and ends up flat on the ice, with a bloody face. His coach tells him to go to the hospital. I’m just going to make another prediction right here and say that Buff has been hitting the bottle.
Billy accompanies Buff to the hospital and wants to call Buff’s parents, but Buff declines. I’m surprised neither the coach nor the hospital thought parents should be involved. Buff tells Billy he doesn’t have to hang around. Instead, Billy goes out in the lobby and yells that someone needs help until a doctor and nurse come along to stitch up Buff’s fat, bleeding lip.
After the boys leave, the nurse tells the doctor that Buff didn’t even wince when he was getting his lips stitched up. The doctor said that’s partly because the shock temporarily knocks out pain receptors and partly because he’s already half anesthetized. The nurse asked the doctor what he meant, and the doctor said, “booze.”
Called it!
Billy and Buff Have a Play Date
Back from commercial, and Buff and Billy are walking outside. Buff asks Billy how his lip looks, and Billy tells him he looks like a real hockey player now. The boys observe an accident, and then Billy brings up a comment Buff made earlier about dropping out of school. Buff confirms. He’s going to drop out in June when he turns 16. He’s going to move far away, where he can be out in the open and not trapped like in that crummy school. The boys talk about work, and Billy mentions that he has $200 saved so he can buy a car after he graduates. Buff says Billy has him beat by $200. I think we can guess where Buff’s money is going.
The boys stop in front of a sketchy building in a sketchy neighborhood, and Buff invites Billy up. Billy looks around at all the shady people hanging around, and he’s not sure, but Buff tells him he can call his parents and let them know where he is. You can tell Billy wants to hard pass, but he follows Buff inside.
Daddy’s Home!
Upstairs, Buff shows Billy his dad’s hockey trophies and mentions that he works as a bartender now. He picks up a giant encyclopedia and invites Billy to quiz him, but stops mid-quiz and walks away when his father comes in. Billy introduces himself and mentions that Buff had an accident and went to the hospital, and Buff’s dad was like, “Oh yeah, I heard about that at the bar, what happened?” in his not very concerned voice. Dad goes to the fridge and pours himself a drink. He calls out to Buff and looks at his son’s busted lip with pride.
Buff asks his dad why he’s home so early. Apparently, the bar was shut down after the authorities found two dead mice. He puts his drink down and walks away. Buff picks up the drink, takes a healthy sip, and offers the glass to Billy. Guys, this is just too much backwash for me. My germaphobia is hitting in a big way. Billy passes. Billy may be the only likable character in this entire movie.
Buff’s dad comes out and takes a picture of Buff’s busted lip. An awkward moment passes when Buff’s drunk dad, arm around Billy, shows him his scrapbook. Buff looks ready to cut a b***. Billy sits on Buff’s bed to call his family to let them know he’s still alive. While there, he finds a bottle of booze under Buff’s pillow.
Billy exits Buff’s room just as Buff’s dad is yelling at him about his grades. He wants Buff to do better so he can get a hockey scholarship and become a professional hockey player. Lots of yelling back and forth, Buff calls his dad a stinking drunk, and his dad slaps him hard across his freshly stitched face. Billy gets the hell out of Dodge.
Wednesday Night Party
It’s pouring rain, and Billy runs up the stairs to a home that’s not his and rings the doorbell. It’s The Girlfriend’s house, and this is her Wednesday night party. A very small party. The girlfriend’s friend Julie, who is Buff’s blind date, helps bring food out. There’s a knock on the door, and in walks soaking wet Buff with a soaking wet paper bag with beer in it.
The Friend, whose name I still don’t know, asks Buff where he found the beer. Buff said he works in a supermarket and he knows people. The Friend is not impressed. The Girlfriend suggests they take it down to the basement.
Billy and Julie are the only ones not drinking tonight. Buff concentrates on getting drunk while The Friend and The Girlfriend dance. Billy and Julie also take to the dance floor. Buff starts putting his moves on The Girlfriend and starts to make out with her. She’s a few sheets to the wind herself and doesn’t seem to mind. The Boyfriend takes issue, and the boys trade blows. The Boyfriend leaves while Buff shakes a whole bunch of mini booze bottles out of his coat. Buff and The (former) Girlfriend continue to imbibe.
Julie and Billy talk upstairs, but they’re interrupted when The (former) Girlfriend comes staggering up the stairs, saying she feels sick. Buff is looking even worse for wear as he falls to the ground, and The (former) Girlfriend looks shocked as she yells that he wet his pants on her mother’s rug. Awkward!!
Julie runs over and asks Buff if he’s okay. And she and Billy decide they need to get Buff home.
The Morning After
The next morning, Billy is jogging to school. He stops when he sees Mrs. Watson, the coat-wearing teacher from the cafeteria, and helps her carry all her teacher stuff to her car. That boy was raised right! As the teacher makes room in the car, she asks about hockey, and Billy asks her why people get drunk. She said that people have problems and that they might think that drinking helps. She asked Billy if he drinks. He said no, he was just wondering. She said that she wished the kids who drank would wonder so they could get help. Billy jogs off to school.
Buff is outside of school, waiting, and says, “Lousy party, huh?” as Billy approaches. No self-awareness, that one. Billy isn’t looking like he wants to have a conversation with Buff, as Buff thanks him for getting him home and says he wants to give him something for it. Billy tells him he doesn’t take tips. “Well, maybe you should,” Buff says before launching into an “It’s about time someone told you” moment and tells Billy he’s not a very good hockey player. He says he wants to help Billy practice. “Do you think they’re going to leave the rink open just for us?” Billy asks.
Umm…not for nothing, Billy, but wasn’t that what the whole opening moment of this movie was about?
Buff hatches this plan about leaving the door open after practice and sneaking back in. To my extreme disappointment, Billy agrees.
On the Ice
At the rink, Buff teaches Billy hockey stuff. As they take a break, Buff tells Billy he likes it on the ice. “You lose a couple of teeth, it’s your own fault. You can’t blame it on the ice.” Billy tells Buff that he could be one of the smartest guys in the school. He also thinks Buff can be the best wing on the team, except for some reason, Buff puts on an act like he doesn’t want to be. “Why would I do that?” Buff asks, and Billy tells him he doesn’t know. Just like he doesn’t know why he drinks so much. Buff thinks Billy is sounding a lot like his old man. He tells Billy that he and his Dad had a talk that morning, and his Dad promises to stop drinking if Buff will stay in school and keep playing hockey. I’m skeptical.
Billy wants to know if Buff is going to stop drinking, and Buff said he would. “No more booze for me,” and I’m still wearing my skeptical face. “Except on holidays and stuff,” he adds. And we have our loophole. It’s the “and stuff” that concerns me. The boys get back on the ice.
Later, Julie and Billy are leaving school. Billy is telling Julie about how Buff and his dad promised they’re going to stop drinking. Julie tells him that Mrs. Watson gave a class about alcoholics in health class once, and they talk like that a lot. “Alcoholic!” Billy is shocked. “He’s not even 16 yet!” They talk alcoholics a little more, and then Billy asks Julia out. She says yes.
At hockey practice, the coach moves Buff up to second line, whatever that means. He also tells Billy he’s noticed improvement and told him to keep up the good work. It’s a good day all around.
Dinner at The Saunders’
Buff is at work, loading groceries into a car for a customer, and Billy calls out to him. The boys say hi, and Buff invites Billy to dinner. His father wants to celebrate Billy being moved up to second line. Billy, obviously not feeling it, given his last visit to Buff’s house, asks who else is going to be there. It’s just the three of them. Billy agrees to come.
At the Saunders house, Buff’s dad greets Billy like an old friend. He puts a spread on the table and then goes to the fridge and grabs a jug of wine. He said he quit the hard stuff, but you have to have something on a night like tonight, and pours three glasses for a toast. Billy takes a tiny sip.
As the night goes on, the jug of wine empties. Buff’s dad tells hockey stories until Buff accidentally knocks his wine glass off the table, breaking it. His dad gets upset because it was his mother’s wine glass. He stands and asks Buff to clean up the glass in an aggressive manner, making Billy uncomfortable.
Walking outside later, Buff says that his dad is probably drinking the hard stuff that he has hidden in the house. He tells Billy how his mother died in an accident. She was at a party with his dad and wanted to leave. So she caught a ride with someone else, and their car went over a drawbridge, and they drowned.
Billy makes Buff promise he’s not going to drink anymore with a big game coming. Buff said he wouldn’t. He doesn’t want to be like his father. They say their goodbyes. Billy tells Buff that if he ever wants to stay at his house, there’s a spare room.
Buff goes home, where his dad is passed out on the couch, and he goes to bed only to wake up in the middle of the night to pour a glass of his dad’s “hard stuff.”
A Good Night for Hockey/A Bad Night for Buff
It’s hockey time again, and the crowd’s going wild. Buff scores thanks to some great teamwork between him and Billy. In the shower, the team jokes about partying and all the girls they’ll hook up with. Buff isn’t going. His dad’s pissed because he quit his job. Buff tells Billy that thanks to his assists, they scored a couple of goals. Billy remarks that it won’t get him a letter, but at least he played.
After the party, Billy is dropped off at home. As he begins to walk up the stairs, he hears coughing. A beaten-up Buff is outside, with a liquor bottle in his hand. He reminds Billy that he said if he ever needed a place to stay and then passes out—and truth be told, I’m not sure it’s from the booze, the beating, or both.
Billy brings Buff to Mrs. Watson’s house. Mr. Watson is on the phone with Billy’s father, telling him to meet him at the hospital. I’m assuming Billy’s parents aren’t home because he leaves them a note before he goes to the hospital. Finally, someone is asking for parents to be present. Mrs. Watson mentions that her “old friend” Mr. Gafney will be meeting them there. An old friend from AA?
In Treatment
At the hospital recovery center, Mr. Gafney introduces himself to Mr. Saunders as a recovering alcoholic. He tells him that there are two groups—co-alcoholics and alcoholics—which Mr. Saunders should attend with Buff. He said that Billy had a blood-alcohol test, and on a scale of 1 to 5, Buff was a 4. Buff is a very sick boy. Buff’s dad said that he’d like to keep him in treatment, but he can’t come to the meetings. He works nights and doesn’t have insurance, and can’t swing it.
Mrs. Watson questions him for pulling his son out, and Mr. Saunders is all, “Lady, I don’t even know you.” And before anyone can say “Called it again!” Mrs. Watson shares that she’s a recovering alcoholic. She blew a five when they brought her in for recovery. When she learned her husband was going to spend his life in a wheelchair, she self-medicated. Now she goes to AA meetings almost every day. Mr. Saunders says that he can’t afford the time off.
As Billy walks out with the Watsons, he asks if he can stand in for Buff’s father.
Billy’s dad isn’t feeling the idea. He never met Buff, who has never been to the house. Billy says they’re friends and they play hockey together. Billy promises to only stand in until Buff’s dad takes over. It’s Monday – Friday, 6:15 to 10:00. His parents aren’t comfortable with the idea at all, what with practice and homework.
Billy’s a good friend, and he takes the bus to the meetings. As everyone introduces themselves, Billy says he’s a temporary co-alcoholic. On his way to the next meeting, he bumps into Buff, who isn’t happy to be there. The next meeting turns into a bit of a lecture, and Billy has his back up and responds with belligerence. The glorified lecture continues as Billy and Mr. Gafney chat at the bus stop, and Mr. Gafney gives Billy tips for helping Buff.
Next up is Billy’s Dad, coming home to his empty house and pouring himself a drink. Mr. Saunders calls Billy’s house. A very angry Mr. Carpenter asks Mr. Saunders what he wants. Buff’s dad said he wants to know how his son is coming along. Mr. Carpenter wants to know why he isn’t asking about how Billy is coming along since it’s after 11 and he’s not home yet. Billy’s dad, tone deaf as usual, says he appreciates what Billy is doing, but he didn’t ask for any favors. Mr. Carpenter wants Mr. Saunders to do him a favor and leave them the hell alone. Damn. That’s harsh for 1980.
Billy comes in and tells his father he didn’t have to talk to Buff’s dad like that. He has a disease too, even if he doesn’t want to face it. Mr. Carpenter tells his son that he doesn’t like the situation at all. Mr. Saunders is worried about his kid; well, Billy’s dad is worried about his kid, too. Mrs. Carpenter chimes in to tell him he can’t keep up the schedule of going to bed at 11:30 and waking up at 6.
Billy’s mom suggests that Billy is being taken advantage of by this boy’s father and the program, and wants to know what he accomplished there tonight. Billy tells her it’s only been one night. Billy tells his parents that he’s trying to help a guy stay alive. That’s some deep sh** to put on a 15-year-old’s shoulders.
At the Saunders’ house, the phone rings, but no one is on the other end. Well, Buff is on the other end and hangs up.
Hockey goes on without Buff. The team is losing, and one of the teammates asks The Friend about Saunders coming back. The Friend thinks they don’t need him, but the teammate thinks it’s obvious that they do.
Billy’s dad shows up at the treatment center, wearing a suit and carrying a big shopping bag. He tells Billy he’s looking well. The two sit awkwardly on the couch, the big shopping bag between them. Buff’s dad talks about the weather. He pulls his scrapbook out of his big shopping bag and tells Buff he can show it to everyone. Then he asks Buff if he understands why he can’t come during the week, and Buff said, “Sure. A guy who drinks doesn’t want other drinkers spotting him.” Yeah, you did.
After the visit, Buff’s dad spots Mr. Gafney, who calls out to him. Mr. Saunders beats a hasty exit into the elevator, doors closing in Mr. Gafney’s face.
Life Goes On
More hockey. More cheering fans. The team is winning and not missing Buff Saunders.
At the recovery center, Billy and Buff are in one of the counseling groups where a woman is weeping. Billy takes the bus home. Yawning over his homework. Back at school, he gets a D. His parents won’t be pleased.
At the counseling group, Mr. Gafney asks Billy if there’s anything he wants to share. Why, yes, Billy does have something to share with a disinterested and magazine-reading Buff. He tells Buff they won another game, and they have a chance at making the State playoffs. He said that by that time, he figures Buff will be out there. Belligerent Buff cuts him off and says that while he’s in there, he doesn’t want to hear about hockey or school or any playoffs.
Mr. Gafney asks Billy if he ever feels like throwing in the towel on Buff. Billy said yes, he does. He’s encouraged to speak his mind. Billy wonders what he’s doing there, and Buff tells him to get out. Billy says maybe he should because Buff doesn’t know what it’s like for him to be there. He said he’s sick of Buff looking at him like he’s the enemy, and he’s sick of riding the bus home, he’s sick of waking up sick and tired. And he said he is not coming tomorrow because it’s his birthday and he’s not going to waste it on Buff. Well said, Billy.
Billy’s Birthday
The next morning, Billy’s dad insists on driving him to school since it’s his 16th birthday. In the car, Billy’s dad said that instead of his mom cooking dinner, they could drop Billy off at the hospital and then go out to dinner. Billy wasn’t planning to go to the hospital and told his dad as much, and his dad said, “But you want to,” and Billy admitted that he did.
At the hospital, there’s a volleyball game going and Buff appears to be enjoying himself. Buff and one of the other residents talk about God and being under observation all the time. One of the supervisors tells Buff that Billy called and he’ll be at the hospital after all. Buff picks up a present in the hospital gift shop.
Billy comes home, and his mom has just finished baking a cake, and there’s a big old turkey in the oven. Dad didn’t get a chance to tell Mom they were going out to dinner; he got caught up in a meeting. Which is kind of a b.s. plot device, but I guess they need it for what happens next. Billy calls the hospital to tell them that he’s not coming after all. Buff throws Billy’s present on the floor.
At home, Billy’s family eats cake around the TV. The phone rings, it’s Mr. Gafney telling Billy that Buff broke out of treatment, please let him know if he hears anything, and, oh, by the way, happy birthday. Billy tells his parents he has to go out for a while. You can tell they’re 100% over this Buff business.
Billy goes to the Saunders’ house and tells Mr. Saunders he thinks he knows where Buff is. They find Buff at the hockey rink. Buff yells at them both to get out of there. Billy yells back that Buff is setting himself up to drink again. Buff’s dad said he got down on his knees and prayed for forgiveness for helping Buff to get this way, and then to Buff’s mom, so he could find Buff safe.
Buff thinks it’s a joke that his dad prayed to his mother. He throws his hockey stick and wants to know why his dad didn’t pray to her the night he killed her. So now we know the cause of the drinking. Buff blames his dad for his mother’s death. His dad said that’s not what happened. Billy tells Buff that if he wants to know what happened, he has to make his dad tell him. So Buff asks. What happened? Buff’s dad keeps walking away, but Billy grabs him and pleads for him to tell his son what happened. That he should know.
Mr. Saunders doesn’t want to tell Buff because he doesn’t want him to get hurt, but Buff insists. Finally, Buff’s dad tells him she didn’t leave the party because of him; she left because she was having an affair. The guy she left with was her lover. Buff thinks he’s lying.
Billy is crying. He tells Buff he’s going to kill himself by drinking. He doesn’t want him to kill himself. Buff is having a hard time accepting what happened. Mr. Saunders says they should all go back to Northaven tonight, and they walk Buff off the ice.
Healing
However long it takes for Buff to go through treatment, it’s still hockey season when he gets out, and he is telling his team where he’s been. They’re all like Okay, let’s hit the ice. The Still Unnamed Friend follows Buff out and tells him that what he did took something really special. Looks like the band is back together.
Billy asks Buff if he wants to come over for dinner on Sunday, but Buff promised he’d do something with his dad. He said his dad is trying, and he is too. As they walk to the ice, Buff tells Billy he knows what’s wrong with his game; he isn’t lucky. He gives Billy something that will bring him luck that he really wants him to have—his 30-day sobriety medallion. They hug and hit the ice.
Where to Watch “The Boy Who Drank Too Much”
I was able to watch “The Boy Who Drank Too Much” on YouTube since it doesn’t appear to be on any of the streamers. Enjoy!
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