It’s been a minute, recap fans. I took a bit of a holiday break, but now I’m ready to dive back into it with Season 1, Episode 8 of Little House on the Prairie: “Ma’s Holiday.” Here goes nothing.
We begin peacefully, with Jack barking at a deer feeding in the creek as we pan into the Little House. At dinner, the family is eating something brown, per usual, but there is thankfully no corn today. Mary continues her dinner table gossip streak, informing her parents that Willie Oleson was held after school again for talking in class. Laura adds that it’s the third day this week; if Willie keeps it up, Miss Beadle is going to have to talk to his parents.
Laura is talking through a milk mustache that we’re all supposed to find especially adorable. Seeing as how there are no napkins on the table, I guess no one is going to tell her to wipe her mouth. This is going to bug me until the next scene. Everyone but Ma smiles, and Carrie gives a small laugh. Ma questions the smiles and tells her family they look like they have something up their sleeves. As a matter of fact, Pa tells her, he was thinking—a monumental event. He was thinking that he’s going to be going to Mankato, and he’s going to be lonely with only horses and lumber to keep him company. It’s been a long time since his wife had a holiday. Congratulations, Ma. You’re better company than the horses.
Who Will Watch the Girls During Ma’s Holiday?
Ma doesn’t think Pa can be serious. It’s Monday, and he won’t be home until Saturday. She can’t just go traipsing off and leave three kids alone on the prairie. Pa suggested no such thing; he figures Grace will take care of the girls. As a matter of fact, Grace would be more than happy to come over.
Pa pulls up to Grace’s house, and before you can say “plot device,” she opens the door with a blatantly fake cough. With a fake rasp, Grace tells Pa she has a terrible sore throat. I’m waiting for Pa to call B.S. on her right then and there because there’s no way this fakery passes for the real thing. Couldn’t Pa postpone his trip until she’s feeling better, Grace wonders? No, Pa made a promise to Mr. Oleson that he’d have his merchandise by Saturday. Also, Grace must have moved over the past few episodes because in “Mr. Edwards’ Homecoming” she had a front porch.
I can’t wait to see who Pa gets to babysit. This isn’t predictable at all. At home, Ma is fussing and giving the girls a rundown of what they need to do in her absence. Pa returns without Grace and tells the girls he couldn’t find anyone to stay with them. Even though I have a feeling who is going to watch the girls, I was really hoping Pa would show up with Harriet Oleson—wouldn’t that make for some good TV?
Mr. Edwards is in The House!
Wait? What am I hearing? Is that the sound of someone whistling “Old Dan Tucker“? By sheer coincidence, Mr. Edwards is walking up the road to make a surprise and completely unannounced visit! What are the odds?
The girls run out to meet Mr. Edwards, who is wearing the filthiest hat I’ve ever seen—and let’s face it, filthy is a way of life in Walnut Grove. I mean, have you seen Pa’s everyday shirt when it’s not washing day? You know those pit stains are ripe.
Back to Mr. Edwards and his filthy, stained hat, which doesn’t make the girls cringe at all. In fact, their ick factor is much lower than mine because they ask him to stay with them during Ma’s holiday. Oh, girls, something tells me you should be asking Ma about this first. I mean, there’s probably a reason Pa hasn’t asked Mr. Edwards already.
Mr. Edwards wants to know if the girls will behave, and they promise. I mean, what could go wrong? Pa thinks Mr. Edwards babysitting is the best news he’s heard all day. Ma, as predicted, isn’t convinced. Solidarity, Ma. I’m not convinced either. And wouldn’t you know? By another great coincidence, Mr. Edwards was laid off from the mill for THIS WEEK ONLY! The gods are surely smiling down on Walnut Grove. Ma tries to find excuses, but the men aren’t having it. The Ingalls parents leave for Mankato.
As they leave, Ma warns the girls to watch out for rattlers in the grass and not to let Carrie near the creek alone. These are very specific plot devices—I mean, requests. She shouts out a few more orders, and Pa, who appears to be losing patience, tells her to turn around and enjoy the ride.
Ingalls Family Table Manners on Display
At the dinner table, Mr. Edwards is telling a story while waving a chewed-up piece of bread around. I really despise watching this family eat. Laura is riveted as she shoves a green bean into her mouth with her fingers, picking it directly from the serving bowl like Ma didn’t teach her better. At one point, she sticks her hand in her milk. I don’t see any napkins, so I guess she wiped that off on her dress when we weren’t looking.
Mr. Edwards continues his story. I won’t repeat it, but it’s more interesting than the usual school gossip fare. It should also be noted that, not surprisingly, they are eating something brown and mushy—Day 1 of Ma’s cooking. Carrie is not feeling her brown mush, and I don’t blame her. It looks like poop. As Mr. Edwards tries to feed her, Carrie takes the spoon and puts the poop on Mr. Edwards’s nose. Carrie is far more interesting when her parents aren’t around.
Mr. Edwards wants to know if Carrie does this for every meal, and Laura says she’ll eat when she’s hungry. She’s not going to get that chance because Mr. Edwards feeds Carrie’s food to Jack while the girls look on in horror. He “washes” the plate by waving it over some water, and Mary sends him out to do “men’s work” while they actually wash the dishes. As Mr. Edwards walks out, I can’t help but notice his belt isn’t using any loops and is purely ornamental. He uses both a belt and suspenders, which feels like an oxymoron, but it may have been the height of pioneer fashion.
With dishes done and Carrie in bed, the girls ask for a story, but Mr. Edwards declines. Instead, he listens to their prayers. They kneel right there on the kitchen floor, and Mr. Edwards listens with the look of someone who recently ingested a couple of gummies. Laura wants a kiss goodnight, and Mr. Edwards obliges. He also pats Laura on her butt, which is… more than creepy.
Remember Ma and Pa?
The Ingalls are sleeping next to the wagon. Is this what makes for a “holiday” on the prairie? I mean, at least get out of the dirt and sleep in the wagon. I don’t think I’m rustic enough to make it as a pioneer. Anyway, Ma wakes up with eggs on her mind. Pa tells her she can’t spend her holiday worrying. It should be noted that Ma is dressed rather risqué for Ma, showing off a scandalous amount of shoulder, while Pa appears completely dressed. They are camped out on the road to Mankato and, even though Pa doesn’t appear to be getting any, Ma has the obvious honeymoon nightgown on.
Pa makes a deal: if Ma doesn’t talk about or worry about the girls for the rest of the trip, he’ll buy her a new hat. Because of all the things Ma needs, I guess a new hat is it. She has so many places to wear it! Ma accuses Pa of bribery, but admits it is his holiday too. Ma mentions the eggs again, and Pa looks like he wants to rescind the hat offer.
Mr. Edwards’ Restful Day
We’re back at the Ingalls house, and Mr. Edwards wakes to an absolutely screaming Carrie. Oh, good gravy, he’s in his underwear again. We need to stop allowing this. Carrie is crying because she is hungry. Too bad, so sad, Carrie—Mr. Edwards gave your food to the dog. Mr. Edwards puts the pot on the fire to make Carrie some more poop. After 30 seconds—which couldn’t have heated anything—he comes back with a plate, but Carrie is gone. She went back to bed. Mr. Edwards gives Carrie’s second plate of poop to the dog. Ma would not be pleased with the waste.
Narrating Laura tells us Mr. Edwards didn’t wake them up on time, so they were late for school. I guess Ma left him a chore list, because he is washing sheets, which looks like the exact opposite of a “restful day.” As he hangs the sheets, Carrie pulls them off the line so he has to wash them again. Mr. Edwards decides excellent childcare involves tying Carrie to a pole with a rope so she doesn’t wander off.
I’m going to pause here to mention that it’s nice to see Carrie do something other than giggle, go to the outhouse, or fall down. This is a big episode for the Greenbush girls. Later, Mr. Edwards, Carrie, and Jack head down the hill. Mr. Edwards is carrying his shotgun. Was he going to take Carrie hunting? Is that Mr. Edwards’ idea of a child-friendly activity? Jack stops and barks at a rattlesnake, which Mr. Edwards explodes with the shotgun.
Mr. Edwards Makes Dinner
Even though Ma cooked enough for several days, Mr. Edwards is whipping up a pot of something gray and nasty. One can only assume it’s rattlesnake stew. The girls approach the ladder and crinkle their noses. Mary wonders what that awful smell is; Laura says, “That’s our supper.” Mr. Edwards lets them know they’re having “Indian stew.” Could it be worse than the poop Ma makes?
Meanwhile, Ma and Pa are dining in a fine establishment with nary a snake in sight. They’re having peas, potatoes, and some meat. Pa is wearing a pink shirt and a string tie. Is this Pa’s everyday, sweaty pits shirt all cleaned up, or are all his shirts striped and pink? Ma says the food is as good as it looks. When Pa agrees, she says he’s not supposed to agree—he’s supposed to say it’s not as good as her cooking.
Ma asks the cost, and Pa says she doesn’t want to know. Pa is proud she hasn’t worried, but he’s not a fan of the skimpy restaurant portions. This is a man used to a big bowl of mush; he’s not feeling these hummingbird portions at buffalo prices. For a couple that hasn’t had a holiday in years, they have no idea how to enjoy themselves. Ma remarks that at least the children won’t go hungry. You might want to ask Carrie about that, Ma.
Snake Stew
Back at the house, Mr. Edwards encourages everyone to dig in. Mary’s face says it all. He tells Laura the stew will “put hair on her chest,” an idea that appeals to her about as much as the food. Pan over to Carrie showing us the food in and around her mouth, and I’m ready to vomit. For all their talk about manners, it’s clear there are areas in which they’re lacking.
Laura surreptitiously feeds her rattlesnake to Jack. She tells Mr. Edwards they aren’t eating because they had a big lunch and Miss Beadle brought cookies. Normally, I’d snark about the lying, but this is 100% justified, so I don’t have to watch these people eat anymore. It’s actually sweet that they don’t want to hurt his feelings. Much to the girls’ dismay, Mr. Edwards says the food will keep until tomorrow.
Bedtime Stories
Carrie is restless. Mary suggests Mr. Edwards read to her. Laura jumps into her time machine and brings back a copy of The Three Bears, which hasn’t been written yet. Mr. Edwards begins to wing it, but Carrie isn’t having it. Like all toddlers, she has it memorized. Laura tells him Carrie likes it the way Pa reads it, “the way it is in the book.” This is a problem because Mr. Edwards can’t read. He pushes the book onto Laura, acting as if she needs the practice. Laura reads, Carrie smiles, and Mr. Edwards falls asleep with Carrie on his lap.
Ma Dreams of Home
Back at the hotel, Ma is moaning Carrie’s name in her sleep. It hasn’t escaped my attention that in the privacy of the hotel, Ma is wearing more clothes than she wore on the side of the road where anyone passing by could see her, and Pa is shirtless.
Pa wakes Ma and tells her they’re in their vacation paradise of Mankato. Ma said she was having a nightmare and blamed it on the food. Pa reminds Ma that they’re on their second honeymoon, a phrase that I’m sure was around back in the day, and leans in like he’s about to get lucky. Spoiler alert: He isn’t. Ma wishes him goodnight and closes her eyes. Disappointed, Pa looks around, for what I’m not sure, and then stares at the ceiling.
The Chicken Thieves
It’s thundering and pouring in Walnut Grove. In the loft, Mary realizes Mr. Edwards can’t read, and Laura realizes they forgot the eggs. They head out into the storm. Mary doesn’t want to light the lantern because they aren’t allowed to use matches, but Laura insists it’s an emergency.
The sound of the chickens wakes Mr. Edwards, who gets out of bed—again in his pink underwear. He sees the lantern and grabs his shotgun. “There’s only one way to handle chicken thieves,” he says to no one.
This fool stands behind the door, and when Laura opens it, he shoots a hole through the roof. A big, gaping hole. He blames his stupidity on the girls and asks why they were outside while rain pours through the ceiling.
Mr. Edwards wonders how he’ll explain the hole to Ma and Pa. “It wouldn’t be fair and square not to,” he says. Will someone please get this man a robe?
Plot Device Ahead
As promised, Ma earned herself a new bonnet. The shopkeeper and Pa both tell her she looks fetching, but it is the most un-Ma like bonnet ever. I’m not sure how any of the actors can keep a straight face right now. Ma doesn’t think it’s very practical. Ma asks the price and learns that it’s $2.50, a real bargain. Ma doesn’t think so, she thinks it’s too dear. Pa tells her to put the hat back on.
A woman comes into the shop and asks the shopkeeper if she’s seen two girls. The Shopkeeper hasn’t seen them and wants to know if they’ve run away again. After the woman leaves, Ma says she hopes they find the girls soon, and the Shopkeeper says they won’t. They’ve been dead for 15 years. The mother was away from home when they were killed, and the father was fighting in the war. The house was struck by lightning during a storm, and the house burned down with the children in it. This doesn’t make Ma feel guilty at all.
Where’s Carrie?
Back at the little house on the prairie, Mr. Edwards is fixing the roof. While he’s up there, it occurs to him that Carrie isn’t anywhere to be seen. He checks the creek, but she’s not there. He checks the barn, but she’s not there. Cue Old Dan Tucker. He checks the outhouse, which would be my guess given her track record, but she’s not there. Mr. Edward checks the house and all its rooms, and Carrie isn’t there either. He sits on the bed and wonders where she can be. This was the cue Carrie needed, and she peeks out from under the bed and yells boo!
Mary and Laura come home from school, where Mr. Edwards is fixing the roof, with Carrie sitting next to him. The girls yell up that Carrie shouldn’t be on the roof, that she could fall off, and Mr. Edwards informs them that there’s no danger of that because he nailed her dress to the roof. Ma is going to enjoy mending those holes. Laura and Mary exchange a look that appears to be exactly what I’m thinking.
Abandoned Daughters
In Mankato, Ma and Pa are buying tickets to a show. How nice! A play for Ma’s holiday! As they wait for their turn at the ticket window, Pa tells Ma something about someone telling him it’s one of the funniest plays that he’s ever seen. Pa thinks they need a few laughs. As they walk into the theater, they pass a sign with the play’s title – “Abandoned Daughters.” Pa’s a little tone deaf if he thinks this show will go over well with Ma, and why ever would Ma go to a show called “Abandoned Daughters?” Did the Ingallses go to a show without checking what it was about? The plot devices abound.
Also? Whoever told Charles it was the funniest play he ever saw was either lying or was privy to a special performance because, according to the sign, this play starts tonight.
Good gravy. We never see the actors in the play, but there’s no comedy happening here. Just some daughters begging their mother not to leave them. But leave she must. Ma is bawling her eyes out, and Pa is looking annoyed with Ma. What does he expect, though? He took her to a show called “Abandoned Daughters.” I’m with Ma on this one. They leave the theater.
Ma’s Holiday Ends Early
Back in Walnut Grove, Mr. Edwards has finished the roof. He tells the girls that if Ma and Pa ask him a direct question like, “Did you shoot a hole in the roof?” he will own right up to it. He’s a stand-up fella, Mr. Edwards.
Ma and Pa are on the road, going home early. Ma wants to know if Pa is disappointed about going home early. Pa wants to know why he would be disappointed. Ma tells him it wasn’t exactly a second honeymoon, was it? Given that Pa didn’t get any, Ma would be right. Pa laughs, and Ma wants to know what is so funny. Pa tells her that if their first honeymoon was like this, they never would have had a second one.
Pa says the only thing he was sorry about is that she didn’t get her bonnet, but Ma says she didn’t earn it. I will disagree with Ma there; she works hard every day, and if she wants a new hat, she should get a new hat, damnit.
Back at the Ingalls homestead, all three girls are on Mr. Edwards back, which doesn’t go well. He has thrown out his back. Mr. Edwards gets up off the floor and apologizes to the girls that he won’t be able to cook their dinner tonight. Mary tells him not to worry, that they’ll cook supper for him. Good call.
Mary tells Mr. Edwards that she will watch Carrie, and Laura will do the chores. They fight back and forth, and then there’s a bit of a crash. Carrie, frying pan on her head, has gotten into the pots and pans drawer. I don’t think I’ve ever seen so much Carrie in a single episode. Laura reminds Mary that she’s supposed to be taking care of Carrie. Mr. Edwards wants to know if the girls carry on like that when their Ma is there, and they tell him, “no sir.” Which is a lie because they are always bickering. Mr. Edwards informs them that he’s their Ma now, and they need to stop it.
Laura brings the eggs to Oleson’s Mercantile. Mr. Oleson looks out the window and spots a returning Ma and Pa, who didn’t need to make a sexy stop on the side of the road to get home this time. Laura asks Mr. Oleson to stall her parents as she runs the three miles home so she and Mary can tidy up the place before her parents get there.
Ma and Pa pull up, and the girls rush out to meet them. Mr. Edwards staggers about a bit because of his back. Lots of hugs and kisses ensue. Ma thanks Mr. Edwards, and Pa said he told her everything would be alright. Mr. Edwards asks how the trip was, and Pa tells him that his second honeymoon was marvelous. Didn’t think about the kids once. So lies all around.
Mr. Edwards, who apparently didn’t go home to pick up clean underwear or anything, walks off without going back into the house to an…interesting… version of Old Dan Tucker. Hunched over and rubbing his aching back.