The Love of Johnny Johnson is a title from Little House on the Prairie episodes that has popped into my head now and then over the years. I don’t know why, because I don’t remember a thing about this episode, and I’m watching it decades after my first viewing, as if it were new. Other than “Country Girls,” and maybe the Little House on the Prairie Pilot, it’s the only title I remember from this entire series.
Here we are—opening credits. Ma and Dad pull up in the wagon. Girls and a dog are running. Carrie falls. Laughter ensues. Over it already. A wagon rolls down the road. Someone’s Pa is dropping a couple of boys off at school. A much older boy – way older than anyone else at that school – ropes the bannister of the schoolhouse while Laura looks on.
Johnny Come Lately…There’s a New Kid in Town
In the background, a boy says, “I choose Laura Ingalls,” but Laura is too enamoured with the bannister roper to pay attention to the game, and she’s pulled back into reality. Mary and a girl watch from a seesaw. Eventually, the kids file into school while Laura continues to stare at the bannister roper. She tells the man-child that all the running made her thirsty, and he informs her that she runs pretty good for a girl. We will ignore the misogyny. In school, Narrating Laura tells us his name is Johnny Johnson. She knew exactly how he felt standing up there, which was exactly right, seeing as she’d lived in Walnut Grove for about five minutes.
Laura stares with puppy dog eyes. The Love of Johnny Johnson has begun.
Fun fact: Mitch Vogel, who plays Johnny Johnson, starred in another show with Michael Landon, “Bonanza.”
Mrs. Beadle hands Johnny a book and encourages him to read the first chapter. Willie whispers in Laura’s ear that he looks like a scarecrow in somebody’s garden. Willie’s not wrong. Johnny Johnson takes a seat in the front. Laura stares and smiles. Some awkward reading out loud ensues. Something about pretty love and tender care: Laura is still staring at Johnny Johnson as she’s called upon to read, but she’s too busy making googly eyes to pay attention.
The book they are reading is called “Dickie Bird Land.” Intrigued, I looked for a “Dickie Bird Land” book online, and the closest I came was a book called “Told in Dickie Bird Land,” which was written in 1913. So, either time travel or not the same. But shout out to Laura, who is reading quite nicely, considering she’s only been at it for a couple of episodes.
The Romance of Rock Throwing
After school, Laura and Mary are walking home, and Mary tells Laura she wouldn’t be such a slowpoke if she didn’t play rough boys’ games. Much to Mary’s dismay, Laura wants to see what new initials are carved on the Sweetheart Tree. Then Laura employs an old, tried-and-true stall tactic: the old pebble-in-the-shoe bit. And it works because who comes walking by but Johnny Johnson. What a surprise!
A bit of a side note: Melissa Gilbert seems to be using the yelling method of acting lately. Though her outdoor voice is being correctly applied on this occasion, the loud talking is starting to wear on me. Also, it should be noted that Johnny Johnson doesn’t appear to own any shoes.
“I didn’t know you lived out our way, Johnny,” said Laura. Johnny takes the road as far as the Morgan turnoff. Wherever that is. Laura says they can walk together, and Mary suggests that maybe he doesn’t want to. She introduces Mary and literally drags Johnny Johnson down the road.
Laura and Johnny talk a bit, but he seems to want to talk to Mary more. Mary tells Johnny she wants to be a teacher, and Johnny thinks that’s a mighty fine ambition. Laura wants to throw rocks.
This turns out to be a bad plan because after Laura hits a tree with her rock, Johnny Johnson hands Mary a rock and encourages her to try. “You never know when you’re going to need to hit a varmint.” Truer words were never spoken. You just never know. Mary gives a half-hearted attempt, and an enthusiastic Johnny Johnson tells her it wasn’t bad at all. Actually, it was really bad, but I admire his diplomacy. Laura is looking unimpressed. When Johnny Johnson attempts to teach Mary how to throw a rock, Laura tells them they have chores to do.
Is It Love?
At home, Pa is pretending to play his fiddle while Laura, Carrie, and Mary dance. Ma sews. Pa stops playing, and Carrie wants more, but it’s time to go to bed. Pa plays a slow tune to put Carrie to sleep. It’s a good one because it’s putting me to sleep, too.
Laura asks Ma to tell her about the olden days when she and Pa were courting. Ma doesn’t think she can remember that far back in history. Laura wants to know if Ma always thought she knew she loved Pa, and Ma said she thought so. When asked if Pa knew, Ma said she wasn’t sure. Apparently, Pa was never one for making sheep’s eyes at girls. He was so shy, Ma didn’t even know if he liked her. Stopping here to say that “shy” is the last thing I would associate with Charles “Pa” Ingalls. Everything he’s done since leaving the Little House on the Prairie for Walnut Grove hasn’t been shy at all.
Laura asked how Ma found out was interested for sure, and it turns out Ma invited Pa on a picnic, and they found out they were kindred spirits.
In bed, Laura asks Mary what she thought of Johnny Johnson. Mary doesn’t think much of anything, but Laura thinks he’s a good rock thrower. Given that she was spitting with Mr. Edwards just a few short weeks ago, I’m glad to see she’s raising her standards. Laura thinks Johnny Johnson is more handsome than Pa, but Mary thinks that’s crazy talk. She also thinks Johnny Johnson is the best-looking boy in the whole school, which Mary thinks isn’t saying much – and she would be right.
Laura has to use the outhouse, and Pa is smoking outside. It must not be too urgent because she asks Pa to tell her about going on a picnic with Ma, and Pa tells her that he didn’t want her to have a broken heart, so he accepted and hoped she was a good cook. He tells Laura the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. Laura wishes on a star, and I’m thinking she’s wishing for someone who is a little too old for her.
Making a Wish Come True
After the commercial, we return to school. Mary is participating in a spelling bee with Nellie and Christy. Johnny Johnson smiles at Mary as she spells a word correctly while Laura stares at Johnny. Mary wins the spelling bee to the applause of all the kids. Class is dismissed early. And I just want to say that Johnny Johnson looks really out of place in the classroom. He’s bigger and older than all the kids and really stands out.
As the kids exit, Mrs. Beadle reminds Johnny Johnson that it’s his turn to clean the blackboard. He yes ma’ams her and gets to work. Laura stays behind to stare, and Mrs. Beadle wants to know if there’s something she needs. Laura stammers and then wishes a nice weekend. Johnny Johnson erases a single spot over and over, without touching the rest of the blackboard.
On the way home, Laura tells Mary she forgot something and needs to go back. Mary offers to go back with her, but Laura discourages her. Mary waits on a rock.
Laura runs back into the schoolhouse and tells Johnny they’re having a picnic tomorrow, and he should be there early, and the fishing is really good. She comes back in a second time to tell Johnny Johnson she’s a good cook, and when she asks him if he wants to come, he says, “Don’t mind if I do.”
Back on the homestead, Pa steals a kiss from Ma, who scolds him for sneaking up on her. More kissing ensues. Jack barks as the girls come home, and Carrie stands there watching as Carrie does. Laura hugs Pa and thanks him for a wish that came true.
An undisclosed period of time later, the girls are doing chores while Ma and Pa put together a shopping list. Laura packs a lunch pail and includes oatmeal cookies. Pa remarks on how early Laura is leaving the house, and she reminds him that he says the best fish bite early. He’s full of those pearls of wisdom, isn’t he? Pa asks Laura if she’s going to use oatmeal cookies for bait. Of course not, Laura’s packing grubs and worms!
Wiggly Worms and Dirty Feet
Laura and Jack wait at the lake until the still barefooted Johnny Johnson shows up. Laura’s talking about fat grubs, but Johnny Johnson isn’t really paying attention because he’s looking around. He asked about Mary, and Laura said she’d rather stay home with her nose in one of her school books. A visibly disappointed Johnny Johnson reckons that’s why Mary’s so smart, and he bets she’s going to win that gold medal for Best Student.
Laura is clearly not there to talk about Mary.
Laura snags a big fish, and Johnny Johnson compliments her baiting game. Johnny tells Laura she’s nothing like the other girls, which is all Laura needed to hear. “I’m not?” she asked. “No,” said Johnny, “you’re different.” He tells Laura he doesn’t know a single girl in the whole school who can put a wiggly worm on a hook like she does, which begs the question, how many girls have you fished with, Johnny Johnson?
Johnny Johnson leans back and puts his filthy feet up on a log. I didn’t need to see this. Laura is thinking about what Johnny said and mentions that the squirrels playing and the fish jumping make a pretty song. She says it makes her feel all warm and sparkly inside, and wants to know if Johnny ever feels that way. Filthy Feet Johnny Johnson doesn’t answer because he fell asleep. Laura is less than thrilled.
Later, they pack up their fish and get ready to part ways. Johnny Johnson asks Laura to do a favor. Laura will gladly do a favor for Johnny Johnson. He says to tell Mary that if Harry Baker keeps on pestering her, he’ll be glad to teach him some manners. Laura tells Johnny Johnson that Harry pesters all the girls, even Laura herself. Johnny tells Laura she should cuff him on the ear then.
Narrating, Laura says it was a rotten picnic, not like Ma finding out she and Pa were kindred spirits who could read each other’s thoughts. All Laura learned about Johnny was that he could eat a lot of oatmeal cookies.
Laura Has Questions
Back at home, Laura grills Pa as he stains wood outside. Laura wants to know how men think. Like, what does Pa like best about Ma? Apparently, the best thing about Ma is that she knows when to be quiet and not ask silly questions when he’s trying to work. Pa agrees to one more question as Laura asks him if he liked any other girls before Ma. Pa said he wouldn’t answer that question for Laura or her Ma, so we already know the answer there.
Later, by the banks of Plum Creek, Pa asks Ma if Laura’s been asking any funny questions. Ma mentions that she asked how they met and about their courtship. Pa recalled his recent conversation with Laura to Ma and suppsed that she has a case of puppy love. Ma says she remembers chasing someone when she was younger than Laura, and Pa said he even remembers slowing down so she could catch him. I mean, that’s really young. Neither parent seems concerned.
After the commercial, the womenfolk are at the kitchen table. It must be Sunday because Mary says that she found Reverend Alden’s sermon about the Mission to China interesting. Ma, who is making a snake out of puffy yarn, asked Laura what she thought. Laura thought it was too long because her legs went to sleep.
About Reverend Alden…
Fun Fact: Reverend Alden, in reality, had a bit of a past. Born Edwin Hyde “Robert” Alden, the Reverend was actually a direct descendant of John Alden and Priscilla Mullins. Although the (perhaps not so) Good Reverend was originally introduced in On the Banks of Plum Creek, he met up with the Ingalls Family in the town they founded and made their permanent home, De Smet, South Dakota. The Reverend was working for the government as an Indian agent and was removed from his duties after he embezzled funds and put his wife, who still lived in Minnesota, on the payroll.
Johnny Johnson Comes A-Calling
Laura and Jack walk to the hen house, and Pa is working on a fish trap that he says will be almost finished. Laura looks u,p and a big smile breaks out on her face. “It’s Johnny Johnson,” she yells, which is almost the same volume as her indoor voice, and then runs in the house. Pa looks up to see who’s coming.
Laura runs to her loft and spit smooths her hair while checking her appearance in the mirror. “Well, if it isn’t Johnny Johnson” she talk-yells. Nothing gets by Laura. Johnny tells Laura that he was just telling Pa he doesn’t need to work on a fish trap the way Laura catches fish, and Pa ruffles her spit-shined hair.
Laura asks Johnny if he’d like to help set up the trap. Johnny said he would like to, but doesn’t know if he can because he came to ask Laura a favor. Does the favor spell itself M-A-R-Y, Johnny? Indeed, it does, because Johnny takes a book out of his pocket and says the reading words are really hard, and he thought he could ask Mary to help, what with her wanting to be a teacher and all. Laura’s face is filled with disappointment. He asks Pa if it’s all right, and Pat says it’s fine by him. Pa tells Johnny to go on inside and ask. He tells Laura he’s a nice boy and asks her to cut more string. A chagrined Laura tells Pa she has to collect the eggs, and Pa looks like he’s beginning to get it.
Johnny calls out to Mary and asks if she’d help with his reading words. Mary invites him in, while Laura looks like she’s ready to cut someone.
The next morning, Laura asks Ma if she can wear her blue Sunday ribbons to school. She’s seriously looking to impress this man-child.
Pa enters the house, and Laura runs out with a bucket to fetch some water, even though it’s Mary’s turn. Laura says that she’s the fastest runner and they don’t want to be late to school. Someone needs to talk to this girl about playing a little harder to get. At the creek, Laura stares into the water for a while.
At breakfast, Pa tells Mary and Carrie that his favorite subject in school was recess. He remembers getting his knuckles rapped during arithmetic for being a smart ass. Except he didn’t use those words. Laura comes in, saying that she fell into the creek. Oh no, this wasn’t planned at all. Laura has no choice but to wear her oversized Sunday dress to school.
At recess, Ma, who is just as transparent as Laura, drops by school to see Miss Beadle and tells the girls to go play. Miss Beadle, who is smart enough to be a teacher, doubts this is a social call. Miss Beadle tells Ma that Laura has been distracted and not doing the work she’s capable of. Ma mentions Johnny Johnson, and Miss Beadle nods. Miss Beadle tells Ma that Johnny Johnson isn’t interested in Laura, and Mary isn’t interested in Johnny Johnson. Ma says that first loves are like a heat rash, quickly come and quickly gone. Pa isn’t the only one with pearls of wisdom at the ready. Miss Beadle promises to have a conversation with Laura about her homework.
Harry Baker, slingshot at the ready, aims a squirrel when Mary tries to stop him, and barefoot Johnny Johnson comes in for the assist. The two boys struggle, and Miss Beadle tells the boys to get inside. Laura blames Mary for getting both of the boys in trouble and wants to know why Mary didn’t just grab the slingshot instead of waiting for Johnny to take notice and come to her rescue.
Mary pot/kettles Laura and points out that Laura is the one who is always trying to get Johnny to take notice, and she doesn’t give a hoot for dumb old Johnny Johnson. Laura yells that Johnny isn’t dumb and tells Mary she can walk home by herself, which isn’t the flex she thinks it is. If by walking alone, Laura means walking a few feet behind Mary, that’s what happened. Johnny Johnson calls Laura, and he runs to catch up. He shows Laura his new reader and says he couldn’t have finished the old one without Mary’s help and wants to catch up and tell her. This is the last thing Laura wants. Something tells me this is about to come to a head.
Johnny turns around and wants to know why Laura isn’t coming. Is something wrong? “Just tuckered,” she answered. Johnny says bye and runs barefoot on the rocky road to catch up with Mary. Laura fumes behind them, arms crossed.
Laura Crashes Out
At home, Laura takes her ribbons off and puts them away. Downstairs, Mary is trying to teach Carrie letters, but Carrie wants to draw pictures. Laura yells at Mary to let Carrie draw and tells Mary she always spoils everything anyway. She says that they used to have fun walking home, but now she has to show off playing teacher. Mary thinks that’s silly. Laura says she is not silly, and Mary is two-faced. Carrie looks on in awe.
Laura goes on to say that Mary says one thing behind Johnny’s back and acts another to his face. Mary tells Laura it wasn’t her idea to play teacher, it was his, and she’s just a foolish – Laura yells at Mary to shut up. Ma walks in and stops the nonsense and wants to know what’s going on. Mary says it’s just a little argument. Taking another pearl of wisdom off the chain, Ma tells Laura that nothing is ever solved by shutting off an argument, and she needs to hear her sister out. Laura runs off to her room.
Ma comes up the ladder and wants to have a little woman-to-woman. She tells Laura that quarrels would never last long if there were only one person at fault, she wants the girls to think on that and make up. She asks Laura what’s really bothering her, and Laura tells her nothing. Ma calls her out for not being honest.
Ma talks about when she and Pa were Laura’s age and how they had their share of heartaches. Laura thinks it’s hard to think of Ma and Pa as little. Ma tells her they look back and laugh now, and she will too. Laura doesn’t think she wants to grow up to be a woman because it hurts. Ma throws out more pearls of wisdom, and I am starting to lose track of them all.
Laura admits that she wants Johnny to like her, and Ma says one of the biggest mistakes people make is changing themselves to make people like them.
Pause for a second. Is no one going to tell this girl that she’s just a little girl and Johnny Johnson is a grown-up?
More pearls, and then Laura tells Ma she jumped in the creek. Ma knows. She didn’t fall off the turnip truck yesterday.
Getting ready for bed, Ma tells Pa, Laura was just as cute as can be, trying to figure out ways to get that boy to like her, when he was smitten with Mary. Pa thought Johnny just needed help with his reading and asked how old he was. Finally, someone is getting to the age part. Ma thinks 14 or 15.
Another Fun Fact: When this episode was filmed, Mitch Vogel, who played Johnny Johnson, was 19, while Melissa Sr. was 12 and Melissa Jr. was 10. You can’t tell me that’s not a little bit creepy.
Pa wants to know why Miss Beadle couldn’t help Johnny with his reading, and Ma said that Mary was just trying to be nice. Ma reminds Pa that he thought Johnny was a nice boy, but Pa said that that’s when he thought Johnny was a boy, but he’s not a boy, he’s a man. Thank you, Pa.
The Love of Johnny Johnson
At school, Miss Beadle is helping another freakishly large child at the blackboard, and Johnny asks Laura to meet him by the sweetheart tree. Because Laura’s totally not going to get the wrong idea with that. Some self-awareness would be a good thing, Johnson.
After school, subtle Laura runs to the sweetheart tree where Johnny Johnson is waiting. The two talk about what a nice old tree it is. I mean, are you going to get to the point, Johnny? You invited Laura to the tree, and Laura reminds Johnny of that fact. He says she’s different, and she says she knows. Johnny says that a fella can say things to her that he’d be embarrassed to say to someone else. He says Laura seems to understand how he feels, to which she replies, “kindred spirits.'”
This is so painful.
Laura asked Johnny to show her what he carved, and he stepped aside to show the initials J.J. + M.I. in a heart. He wants to know how Laura thinks Mary will like it, and Laura runs away.
It’s Time to Wrap This Up
Is this episode really long, or is it just me?
At dinner, the girls are very quiet. They are eating something white and also corn. Pa tells Ma she has a way with buffalo fish. Ma smiles and says she doesn’t understand why they have so many funny names for fish. Buffalo fish. Catfish. Even butterfish. Pa says that the aptly named bullfish is the stubbornest fish he ever did try to catch. Besides Ma, only Carrie seems amused by this.
Pa asked how school was, and Laura said it was fine. Mary said she’ll be the laughingstock of the school tomorrow, all because of that numskull Johnny Johnson. Ma thought he seemed like a nice lad. Mary said that he sneaked off and put her name on the sweetheart tree for everyone to gape at. She thought Willie was right when he said he looked like a scarecrow. I’m surprised Laura hasn’t decked her yet, but she looks like she’s considering it.
Mary said Johnny was addlebrained as well. That’s enough for Laura, who stands up and loudly asks Mary how she can be so mean. Why, he’s the best runner and roper in the whole school! She called Mary a numskull before running off. Pa tells Ma he’ll go talk to her.
Pa finds Laura at the creek. He gives her a bandana for her tears. Laura says it’s not fair. Mary doesn’t give a hoot about him, and he put her name on the tree. It was the most tragical thing that happened in her whole life. “Kind of like that time when we thought we lost Jack,” Pa reminds her. Laura said that Jack found them again, and Pa said that Johnny will find Laura again. I don’t have Pa’s confidence.
Pa tells a story about Ma following him around when they were younger, but he was attracted to her years later. Laura cries that she blamed Mary when it wasn’t her fault and said wicked things to her. Pa says that hurting back doesn’t help. Laura admits to being jealous. Pa calls her his best girl, and hugging ensues. They return home to their cold supper, and all is right with the world.
