Well, here we are, Little House fans. Another round of lessons learned. What will today’s lesson be? I have no idea. I haven’t watched this show in 50 years, and I don’t remember anything about any Tinker Jones or his voice. Truthfully, I’m still getting over poor, abused Jasper from the last episode. Anyway, let’s get to the next episode of Little House on the Prairie, “The Voice of Tinker Jones.”
The Voice of Tinker Jones
Skip the opening credits, please and thank you. A man with a jangly and clanging wagon, whom we are seeing for the first time and never will see again, pulls up to the Ingalls homestead. Laura runs up to tell Ma that Mr. Tinker is here, and all the female Ingalls come out to greet him. Now that’s a welcome! Ma calls him Mr. Jones and asks how he is. He gestures to the sky and holds his hands out, which, I assume, is him saying it’s a beautiful day. Is Mr. Jones nonverbal? Let’s go ahead and assume as much. Oh, you clever title writers. “The Voice of Tinker Jones,” indeed.
Mr. Tinker Jones, I guess, pinches each girl on both their cheeks and smiles. He holds up a finger in the universal “wait a minute” sign and goes to retrieve something from the clangy, jangly truck. I’m on the edge of my seat. He hands Ma a shiny copper pot, which she pronounces “beautiful!”
Pa comes out to shake Tinker’s hand. That’s what he called him, and I’m still not quite sure if “Tinker” is who he is or what he does. Maybe both. In any event, it’s a family affair.
Pa looks at the pot that is literally glowing in Ma’s hands and says that Tinker is a real craftsman. Maybe this Tinker has hearing issues too, because he taps his ear, and Pa repeats himself. Not to worry, Tinker, Laura yells all her lines anyway.
Ma asks how much they owe, and Tinker gets out his slate and writes 35 cents. Per Ma, this is less than the Mercantile, which I can very well believe. Harriet looks like a woman who loves herself a bit of a markup. Ma must have hit the lottery, because she takes out a purse that doesn’t look to be all that empty and hands some pretend money to Mr. Tinker Jones.
Tinker then digs around in his wagon and comes back with two shiny horses. Laura and Mary thanked Tinker, “Mr.” being dropped, and each proclaimed their horse the prettiest while Carrie looked near about to cry.
Of course, Mr. Tinker wouldn’t forget you, Carrie! He gave her another shiny toy, this time a fish. I guess they’re made out of copper or another metal, judging by all the pots and pans. He’s a generous man, that Tinker Jones, giving away toys for free, which doesn’t seem like a very good business model for a traveling salesman.
Inside the house, the girls ask a lot of questions about Tinker Jones. When Pa says that he doesn’t think the Tinkster has a family, Laura is sad. But Pa doesn’t think anyone should be sad about that, and PaSplains how he likes making all those free toys he gives out, and that in a way they are all his children. “The kids are his family!” Laura says using her outdoor voice. She also says something in a lower voice about wishing Tinker could talk. But that wouldn’t make the play on words in the title as clever, Laura.
It’s That Church Time of the Month
After the commercial break, the Ingalls family is loaded up in their wagon, dressed in their Sunday Goin’ to Meetin’ clothes, round braided and all.
Inside the church, the good Reverend is preaching while a man snores in the front row as the whole church stands behind him. The Ingalls family looks amused, which surprises me. Reverend Alden preaches louder as he approaches the sleeping man and puts his hand on his shoulder. The man jumps, and again the Ingallses are amused. The Reverend finishes his prayer, ends the mass, and sends the kids to Sunday School.
As the children exit to their plot device, the Reverend wants to speak with the adult congregation about a subject that is near and dear to his heart. He starts to lay it on thick about how he cherishes his friends in Walnut Grove and looks forward to his monthly visits. He goes on about how they should all be so proud of their achievements. He then says that he spoke with his superiors in Mankato, and the only thing that was missing was the sound of church bells.
Really, Reverend? The only thing Walnut Grove is missing is a church bell for a congregation that only meets once a month. Dude. Johnny Johnson has no shoes, Nelly Oleson is a bully, Pa’s walking 100 miles for a job, Mr. Edwards likes to walk around in his underwear in front of little girls, and Dumb Abel only just learned to read. And Don’t even get me started on all the poor table manners. But a church bell is the only missing thing? Good gravy. It’s a good thing they have a Monthly Reverend to tell them what they need.
A Bell is the Only Thing Missing
Anyway, back to church. Mrs. Oleson enthusiastically seconds the idea of a new bell and a random man thirds. This makes the Reverend very happy, and he suggests they need to take up a special collection. Because you didn’t think he was going to pay for it, did you? He asks the congregation to search their hearts and pocketbooks, and Ma and Pa, who just last week didn’t have the funds to buy Laura a new doll, turn and smile at each other.
Mrs. Oleson stands and tells everyone that they should have a very large bell like the ones in the churches in St. Paul. Because the Walnut Grove school and church is certainly built to withstand ringing big, heavy bells like that. If you think I must be rolling my eyes right now, you are right.
The Reverend appreciates Mrs. Oleson’s enthusiasm and suggests they think a little smaller. Harriet then says, without consulting with her husband, that she and her husband would like to contribute the bell. And the plaque. The plaque, you might ask? Yes. The plaque announcing that the Olesons donated the bell, of course.
A Mr. Kennedy, who is sitting behind our generous benefactors, would like a word. Mr. Kennedy doesn’t think God would like someone else’s name on his house. My girl Harriet finds this rather ungrateful. Sleeping Man thinks the good citizens of Walnut Grove should take the Olesons up on the offer. Because what could go wrong with a whole congregation beholden to the Olesons?
Snoring man tries to bell shame Mr. Kennedy and asks what he could give, and Mr. Kennedy replied correctly that he would give what he could, which is more than Snoring Man could give, and called him out for snoring in church.
The church drama in this episode is more than making up for the raccoon debacle we had to endure last time.
Monthly Reverend reminds everyone that they’re in a once-a-month church and they should tone it down. Church dismissed.
Sunday school is also dismissed. And for those not already in the know, pay attention to the blonde guy with the blue plaid shirt. It’s someone we know well.
The Bell of Division
As the grownups leave the room, Snoring Man shakes the Monthly Reverend’s hand and says, “We need that bell, Reverend.” I mean, how much could you need it since no one wanted it before 10 minutes ago?
Monthly Reverend also shakes Tinker’s hand and tells him how lovely it is to see him, and how, even though we’ve never seen him in church before today, he never misses a service.
Out in the school, I mean, church yard, Mr. Kennedy is yelling at Snoring Man in a very un-Christian manner. Using his outdoor voice, he says that if they give “that woman” a plaque, she’s going to change everything. Snoring Man just wants his free bell. He has no craps to give about what would come with that plaque. Kennedy isn’t having it and suggests that the next thing you know, Harriet will be changing the name of Walnut Grove to Olesonville, which I can very well believe.
Meanwhile, on the other side of the churchyard, Nels Oleson is suggesting that if they can’t have bells the size of the ones in St. Paul, at least they can make one bigger than the one in Mankato or Sleepy Eye. It sounds to me like this bell is getting too big for its britches. Church is once a month for a congregation of what, 15?
Harriet mentions that there are a few who oppose their generosity, but she’s sure they’ll come around. She asks Mr. Hanson how he feels, and he says he approves of the bell. Does that mean he doesn’t approve of Harriet Oleson purchasing said bell? I need more information. Miss Beadle also approves of the bell and says the church, as well as the school, needs it. Mrs. Oleson takes issue and says that would be sacrilege. At that, she tells Nels to come along, and they make their exit.
Mr. Hanson tells Miss Beadle that they may not have a church or a school because, with the size of the bell Mrs. Oleson wants, they would tip the church over. This is what I’m saying.
The Ingalls family walks by, amused, and gets into their wagon. Ma also likes the idea of a church bell that no one needed before ten minutes ago, but thinks that Mrs. Oleson doing it all by herself is a little too much. Pa has no problem with this if the Olesons can afford it. Ma brings up the plaque, and Pa says it’s going to get a lot worse before it gets better, and he thinks Monthly Reverend has a war on his hands. Here’s hoping, Pa!
They all leave Tinker Jones just sort of standing around, not knowing what to do with himself, which is both a weird and creepy edit.
Mrs. Oleson Had Demands
An undisclosed period of time later, and it’s nighttime outside the Little House on the Prairie. There is a wagon in front of the Ingalls front door, which means they have company. Indeed, it’s the Reverend Alden who is saying that he should have come to Charles first, because if you had an important ask, wouldn’t you come to Walnut Grove’s newest resident first?
Monthly Reverend thought he could prevail on Mrs. Oleson to allow others to contribute, but she wasn’t having it. See, this is what happens when you only drop into town once a month. You don’t know your congregation like you think you do. Apparently, Mrs. Oleson left behind an ultimatum. Accept the bell as offered, or the Olesons will attend church in Springfield. Which isn’t the flex Harriet Oleson thinks it is. Springfield is a 50-mile round trip. To quote the late, great Frank Zappa, that’s like treating dandruff by decapitation. I say let her go and see how long it lasts.
Nosy, nightcapped, Mary and Laura peek out of their loft to eavesdrop as Monthly Reverend tells Pa that a couple of the others don’t want any part of Mrs. Oleson’s bell and plaque. Anger is spreading. People are choosing sides.
So maybe the only thing Walnut Grove needs is NOT a bell, Monthly Reverened.
Monthly Reverened goes on to say that if he accepts the Olesons’ offer, he’ll lose half his congregation, and if he doesn’t, he’ll lose the other half, which doesn’t make sense. I can see why, given history and experience, people wouldn’t want the Olesons funding this initiative and having their name on a plaque. But why would not funding it cause people to leave? Last I checked, Harriet hasn’t made many friends in Walnut Grove, something made especially apparent when no one showed up on the day she decided to teach school. Call her bluff, Reverend.
Pa gets his soft, lesson-teaching voice on. “Reverened, these storms come up, and then they blow over,” Ma tells him he has a lot of friends here. With that, the Monthly Reverend leaves, nothing resolved. As they walk out, Pa tells him that he’s not in town for his monthly service, and the church elders take over. And if he could hear their sermons, the Reverend would know how welcome he is. Ok, so church isn’t once a month, only Reverend Alden is. The Reverend tells Pa that some of his friends in Walnut Grove are threatening to tell his superiors to have him replaced. Honestly, this is just getting silly now. Pa minimizes this by telling him the storm will blow over.
The Battle of Little Big Horn
An undisclosed period of time later, Pa is paying a visit to Mr. Kennedy to tell him there is a meeting at the church tonight to discuss the bell. Mr. Kennedy doesn’t think there’s anything to discuss. The matter has been settled. Pa says he wasn’t aware of that. Stubborn Mr. Kennedy says that it’s been settled as far as he’s concerned. Pa encourages him to give the rest of the congregation a chance, and that it won’t hurt for him to listen. Kennedy says he’ll listen, but he doesn’t want no “Oleson bell.”
At church, Pa takes the lead. He wants to discuss the bell as friends, neighbors, and members of the congregation. He suggests a compromise and says that no one gets their own way on everything. Harriet shoots him a look. Pa thinks they need a bell. They’ve had an offer for a bell from the Olesons. “And a plaque, don’t forget the plaque,” reminded Kennedy. Pa wants to hear from the people who are willing to accept that offer, and also those who are opposed.
Snoring Man wants to accept the gift in the manner in which it was intended, but doesn’t say why. Kennedy says that’s just what they don’t like. He makes a good point when he says they worked hard to build that church from the ground up, and they didn’t put their name on any of it. Nels and Harriet take issue, and Hanson reminds them they are in church. Actually, I think it’s school today, Mr. Hanson.
Kennedy then goes on to say that if they accept that bell, it will be the Oleson bell, pew, and pulpit, and next thing you know, Harriet will be giving the sermons. Okay, that’s kind of funny.
Hanson suggests they forget about the Olesons’ bell and start over by taking a collection so they can all contribute. Harriet stands up and tells Nels it’s time to go; she won’t be insulted any longer. Hanson said no insult was intended, but they’re just about out of the door.
Kennedy calls out, “Good riddance!” and Hanson asks him to keep it civil.
Pa wants to call a vote, and Snoring Man reminds Charles that they’re a poor community, and if they accept the gift, it won’t cost them anything.
Which is why I am miffed at Reverend Alden for bringing this up in the first place. Why would he put this on a “poor community?” If he knows his community like he says he does, he’d know that not everyone is in a position to contribute.
Hanson says that if they take the bell and then they want a new church, will that also be for free? Kennedy says it won’t be for nothing because Hanson will be standing there ready to sell the lumber. Hanson stands up and starts to say in a heated voice that he contributes just as much as any man in town before Pa cuts him off. He says he thought they were there to discuss the bell.
Kennedy says to forget the bleeding bell, and says they’ve done all right without it up to now. Exactly right, Kennedy. Then he asks for a show of hands. He asks for a show of hands and then says the meeting’s adjourned. Tinker Jones is standing in the back with an anguished look on his face. Not sure how he got much of that since backs were turned.
Home Churching?
Back at home, Pa is lighting his pipe and telling his family that it was the Battle of Little Big Horn and he can’t tell the soldiers from the indians. Laura asked if they listened, and Pa told her no because they were all too busy yelling at each other. Ma did declare. A bunch of grownups carrying on like children. Pa said that children wouldn’t have been that noisy.
Mary asks if that means they’re not going to church on Sunday. Laura says that she was beginning to like Sunday school, even if they do repeat a lot of the stories she and Mary already knew. Pa says that if they need to, they’ll worship and have Sunday school right there in their little house on the prairie. They’ve done it before.
Schoolyard Division and A Special Guest Appearance
An undisclosed period of time later, the kids are filing out of school. Can you figure out who Plaid Shirt is yet?
Laura and Mary approach their friends, and Laura suggests they play Uncle John. One of her friends says they can’t play on account of what Pa said about the bell. I mean, Pa didn’t really say anything one way or another. He just tried to get a vote going. Laura asks if they’re still friends, and the girls point to another group of girls that includes Nellie Oleson. “We can’t play with them either.”
The boys, including our famous friend in the plaid shirt, listen intently. No, I’m not talking about Jimmy McNichol. Hello, Sean Penn.
Preaching to An Empty Church
Back at home, Pa is pulling a trap out of the creek. Whatever they caught is enough for dinner. Laura wants to know why everyone is mad at Reverend Alden. PaSplains that they’re not mad at Reverend Alden; they’re mad at themselves. Mary thinks it’s silly to fight over a bell, to which Pa responds that grownups can be silly sometimes.
It must be a month later because the Monthly Reverend is back on his pulpit. The Reverend holds up a basket and thanks everyone for their generosity and invites them all to sing the closing hymn, which starts with “Ring the Bells of Heaven.” Most of the congregation is missing, so I guess people are making good on their promises. The Olesons are there, the Ingallses, another couple, and of course, Tinker Jones, who we will never see in church again after today.
As the Ingalls girls climb into the wagon, Ma tells Reverend Alden that he mustn’t blame himself. Monthly Reverend says he unwittingly started the conflict, which is true, and that his efforts for peace made things worse. He thinks it’s best for the town if he leaves. In two weeks, he’ll be driving through Walnut Grove on his way to Mankato and will stop in at the service and say goodbye then.
I predict that a lot that has to do with bells can happen in two weeks.
Tinker Jones, drinking from the community dipper, which skeeves me to no end, and eavesdropping, looks pensive.
Cranky Kennedy
The Ingalls family passes by the Kennedy home as they are driving home from church. Ma asks to stop so she can visit with Mrs. Kennedy, and the girls come along to say hi to their friends. Inside, Ma and the Mrs. are having a cup of tea when Mr. Kennedy comes in. Taking a defensive posture with arms crossed, he says, “Mrs. Ingalls.”
Ma says she came by to put an end to the hard feelings, and Cranky Kennedy wants to know if her husband sent her. Ma says no, but he’s aware of her visit. Cranky Kennedy wants to know who rules the roost, because he’s in charge in his house. Ma tells him that all this senseless squabbling is ruining their church and hurting their children. Cranky Kennedy doesn’t think his children are being hurt, declares the matter closed, and says it will stay closed until talk of this damn bell comes to an end. Ma says she’ll thank him to watch his language. Cranky Kennedy says in his outdoor voice that it’s his house and he’ll say what he likes.
Ma tells the Crankster that he doesn’t care that the neighbors aren’t speaking to each other and their kids are hurting. He said, again, that the matter is closed.
Ma marches back home, girls keeping up behind her, while Pa works on the Sabbath, which I thought was a no-no in those days. Pa asks Ma how she made out, and she marches into the house. Inside, she tells the girls to get out of their Sunday clothes, and they “right away” her.
Pa asks how it went, and Ma says only, “stubborn, selfish man.” He won’t listen to reason and wants everything his own way. Pa says he thought she was talking to Mrs. Kennedy. Ma said she was, and Mrs. Kennedy was very nice, but then HE came in and he wouldn’t let her say a word when he was in the room. Pa says that he does like to hear the sound of his own voice.
Ma says that she would be glad to give up the whole notion of a bell if only to get everyone back together again. But after talking to him, or rather, after being talked AT by him, she really thinks they need that bell. Pa gives her an Amen.
Tinker Jones Has an Idea
An undisclosed period of time later, Laura and Mary are running somewhere and meet up with the Kennedy kids. “Are you sure it’s all right?” one of them asks. “Why not?” Laura says. “No one says we can’t visit Tinker Jones. We all happened by at the same time.”
Wait. So Tinker Jones isn’t a traveling salesman/repair person? Does he have a house in Walnut Grove? This episode has me confused about a few things.
Anyway, they get to Tinker Jones’ house or shop or whatever it is, and there are a whole bunch of kids there, including Sean Penn, who is wearing a hat this time.
Laura wants them all to play Run, Sheep, Run, but she’s informed by Nellie that they can’t because someone might see them. Nellie also says that it’s all her father’s fault. Willie says if it weren’t for Pa, there wouldn’t be any more talk about a bell. The Kennedy kid, who apparently learned how to use his voice from his father, says that Willie’s right and there ain’t gonna be no bell anyway. Laura yells that her Ma thinks his Pa is stubborn and selfish. Kennedy Girl says that Laura needs to take that back, and Laura won’t. “You oughta hear what my Pa says about your Pa,” yells back Kennedy Boy. Laura, in headache-inducing decibels, yells that if he says one word about her Pa, she’ll slap him in the face.
You see what you started with that bell, Reverend.
Tinker Jones bangs for them to stop. Then he starts clanging all the metallic toys he’s making together. Mary TinkerSplains that he’s saying that they’re acting just like their parents. Tinker agrees. The kids all apologize to each other.
Wait, what’s this? Tinker has an idea? He brings out a sheet of metal and draws a bell on it. Tinker Jones saves the day!
Nellie threatens to tell her mother, and Tinker doesn’t look happy at the thought of this. Mary says it has to be a secret, and Laura says that if she tells, she’ll have no one to play with or anyone to be mean to. At that, they all agree to help.
Narrating Laura tells us that it was Saturday when Tinker decided to make the bell, and Sunday was the first time that there was no church service in Walnut Grove. But all the next week, they couldn’t wait to get away from school and help Tinker. There was so very much to do.
A Den of Thieves
As the kids arrive at Tinker Jones’s house, and as I wonder why no one’s parents are wondering why they’re not coming home to their after-school chores and homework, Tinker Jones hangs an illustrated chore list on the wall.
The kids resort to robbery as they steal metal items from Hanson’s Mill and elsewhere around Walnut Grove to melt down for their church bell. I’m just going to leave that right there. Robbing the neighbors to make a church bell to keep the peace.
The den of thieves all help with the tasks needed to melt all their stolen goods. After everything is thrown into the fire and there is nothing left, Tinker makes it clear that it’s not enough. Now all the kids have to go home and get the toys he made for them to throw into the fire for this stupid bell.
Tinker sends them out for toys and anything that’s tin. So basically, the kids are going to steal from the already poor townspeople to make a bell that they don’t hecking need. The next day, we see the kids bringing their toys and anything else they can steal from their parents and the town of Walnut Grove to Tinker Jones. What is the lesson here, Michael Landon? Is it okay to have secrets and steal if it’s for the church?
In addition to their toy, the Kennedy Kids abscond with Ma’s percolator and a cow bell. Nellie and Willie go into the backroom of the mercantile and steal a ton of toys and a big old pot or tub or something.
Tinker throws all of these items into what looks like a tub of melting chocolate. The kids all watch as Tinker pours the molten liquid into a mold of the bell. The kids ooh and ahh. Except Sean Penn. His quiet cool speaks for itself.
Back at the Little House on the Prairie, Ma is taking bread out of the oven. Pa says it smells good and doesn’t want to wait until it cools to cut into it.
Pa is wondering what happened to some coal oil cans that are out in the barn. Ma hasn’t a clue.
Back at Tinker Joneses, the bell is ready. Mary says that it’s getting awful late, but Laura wants to stay to see it. Tinker unmolds the bell and the kids all applaud. Well done Tinker!
Tinker Jones Saves the Day
Cut to Tinker somehow raising the bell in the middle of the night, so there’s a Sunday morning surprise.
The next morning, the Ingalls wake to the sound of a bell ringing. This bell can be heard from three miles away. Everyone hears it. The Olesons, Reverend Alden, and even the Cranky Kennedys. Tinker rings that bell loud and proud as the townsfolk of Walnut Grove show up at church. Everyone comes running. Or riding.
People gather around the ringing bell, everyone in their church clothes but Sean Penn, who is wearing the same plaid shirt. Cranky Kennedy yells at Christy as she runs towards the bell and yells at Tinker Jones to stop ringing that bell. Someone wants to know who is responsible. Someone else wants to know who paid for it (you all did). Another person yells that it’s glorious. Harriet wanted to know if someone took up a collection behind her back. Cranky Kennedy thinks Monthly Reverend owes them all an explanation, but the Reverend is clueless. Christy tells her Pa that it wasn’t the Reverend. Mary says to everyone that it was Tinker Jones’s idea, and Willie seconds this. Laura says that Tinker Jones made the bell so they would all stop fighting and become friends again. “And have church here as we used to,” Mary adds.
Tinker says something in Tinker Sign Language, but I have no idea what he’s getting at. Mostly, the adults should be ashamed of themselves. Everyone smiles, and all is well. At least until they go home and need to use the things that were taken to make the bell.
Cranky Kennedy, also not in his Sunday clothes, suggests that the Reverend lead them into Sunday service. The Reverend, tears in his eyes, walks up the stairs as Tinker rings the bell. All is well in Walnut Grove.
Until next week’s lesson, Little House fans.